Dog cannibalism?

"Hi cutie! You're cute. Do you want to come over for dinner? I have 4 pitbulls."

-Happy guy waiting near the 54 bus stop

Dog park people

"Yeah, he was going to throw the puppy in the dumpster behind the 7-11, so I thought, I could use another dog. Plus, it may grow up to be cute."

-Guy at the dog park who started this conversation with Bandit, then halfway through realized the story may be a bit too complex for her and began telling it to me. The aforementioned puppy was a mix between a chihuahua and a beagle.

I think Bandit's having relationships behind my back

"Ohhhhh, there's my boo."

- Neighborhood guy sitting in his front yard

The only obvious thing here is that you are a bitch.

Random girl: "Hi!"

Me: "Hello."

Random girl: "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to her." (pointing at Bandit)

Me: "Oh. Well... she can't talk."

Random girl: "Obviously."

He couldn't have sold himself out any quicker

"She's not going to sniff out my sack of weed, will she?"
-Guy Eric passed on the street

Good thing we aren't undercover cops.

Just because you put "Oh, I was just" in front of it doesn't make it normal

Construction worker: "(kissing sound)"
Me: "What?"
Construction worker: "Oh, I was just blowing your dog a kiss."

You and me both, kid

"Why can't your dog use the toilet?"
-Random kid out of the car window as he and his mom were in the drive-thru for McDonald's watching my dog poop

This was adorable

"Do you know Monster?"
-Little girl who then turned to me and said, "My cousin has a puppy too. His puppy's name is Monster."

Are you kidding me? How adorable is it that this little girl thinks all puppies know each other. I wanted to hug her, but that would have been weird.

Thug life

It wasn't too long ago that I let Bandit get a tattoo (top photo). I mean, she was 2 1/2 years old (almost 18 in human years) and it seemed appropriate. Like most bad decisions, that one came back in a pretty harsh way. The bottom pic is how I found her when I came home from work last night. She's livin' the thug life. Next thing I know she'll be biting policemen and walking with a limp.

Instant Mashed Potatoes Flakes...obviously

If I'm being honest, I'd say that Bandit was less interested in this than I was, but you know what, she can't type. So, in general, my problem with instant mashed potatoes flakes isn't that they exist. My problem in this scenario is that someone purchased two full Safeway bags of them and then left them on the street. I mean, why?

Now I just feel bad for all the other people who went to Safeway looking for these huge bags of instant mashed potatoes flakes only to realize that the store was sold out. On another note: One of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make was whether or not to take these and sell them on Craigslist.

Oh, bums

"Do you have 50 cents?"
-Woman at the corner of Holloway and Grafton Streets

A side note: If my dog had 50 cents, I'd have total rights to that. And she'd be helping us pay the rent.

See ya later, confidence

Scene: Bandit and I walked past two guys.

Guy #1: "How you doing, girl?"
Me: "Good."
Guy #1: "Yeah, that's right. Cause you are lookin' good too."
Guy #2: "I like your dog better."

This guy again

"That's a beagle!" (shouting in the same tone that someone may yell something like, "I want to kill you!")
-Man that somehow sees us every morning no matter which walking route we take

It sounds like you may have had some creepy plans

"You are going to make sure your mom doesn't get lost in the woods, aren't you?"
-Random guy at the gas pump next to me off I-5

I think you are projecting

"You look nervous to meet me."
-Small Asian man on Plymouth Avenue

Mama needs a new pair of shoes!

Bandit found these this morning. Almost brand-new running shoes (already tied)....they weren't my size.

Kids are weird

"Does she have nipples?"
-A kid we met while camping

The last time I heard that phrase was in "Charlotte's Web"

"Suuuuuueeeeeeeeeyyyyyy! You's beautiful! Aren't you just a beaaauutiful dog!?"
-Lady walking past us on Holloway (who I'm assuming doesn't see many nice looking dogs)

ILostMyPet.com

Bandit found this on our walk recently. Although I wouldn't let her eat it (or befriend it, as I like to think she's doing), I found it to be a very awkward interaction. You see, whether it is a leaf blowing by on the sidewalk or a rare bird, Bandit acts the same. Her tail wags and she pulls me toward it as if it was the only thing in the world that she needs. Once she gets close enough to lick the object, she's defined its meaning to her. Either she's digested it or she spits it out. With the bird, though, even I didn't know how to act. Usually I'm sure of whether or not I should be pulling her away, but this time, I was sort of scared of this bird. It was gorgeous, but what was it doing? It was just chillin on a sidewalk? Super awkward.

This also led me to my next brilliant invention: ILostMyPet.com. A website where you can register your lost pet, put a photo and where you last saw him/her. When another person finds a stray pet (like a green bird, for example), they can go to this website and see if anyone has lost it. If the person sees the same animal, they can send a message to the owner to say where they saw it and the owner can choose to contact the finder. Yet another way I will save the world...

Did she just call us fat?

"Oh yeah, your mom better keep walking you or pretty soon you'll be bigger than her!"
-Lady who lives in the apartment next door

And he didn't even make eye contact with me

"Oh yeah, that's what the male of the species smells like. Not as nice as the females, but still very necessary."
-Random guy walking his bike, Plymouth Avenue between Holloway and Grafton