He couldn't have sold himself out any quicker

"She's not going to sniff out my sack of weed, will she?"
-Guy Eric passed on the street

Good thing we aren't undercover cops.

Just because you put "Oh, I was just" in front of it doesn't make it normal

Construction worker: "(kissing sound)"
Me: "What?"
Construction worker: "Oh, I was just blowing your dog a kiss."

You and me both, kid

"Why can't your dog use the toilet?"
-Random kid out of the car window as he and his mom were in the drive-thru for McDonald's watching my dog poop

This was adorable

"Do you know Monster?"
-Little girl who then turned to me and said, "My cousin has a puppy too. His puppy's name is Monster."

Are you kidding me? How adorable is it that this little girl thinks all puppies know each other. I wanted to hug her, but that would have been weird.